Now that India Today and a few other polls have revealed what we didn’t know about ourselves — that nearly 70% of us don’t prefer Narendra Modi as Prime Minister, it’s time to check out the other options.
Top of the list is Rahul Gandhi. A rather unusual choice, though he’s oozing with many qualities.
Is forever India’s young generation leader. He’s simply not going to grow up! Passionate about giving lectures on politics before college kids who revel in their ignorance about politics. Has such widespread appeal that his videos are more popular among other political parties than his own. Also is a serious stress-buster on Whatsapp.
When in the mood, he can offer extraordinary insight like, “Today, morning, I got up at night”. This can be of use to unsettle tough neighbours like Xi Jinping of China, who might mistake it for some Sun Tzu strategy and keep off our borders.
Also knows how to turn a potato into gold. Is brimming with chutzpah — can smile even after leading his party, the Congress to its worst ever performance in the LS elections.
Can send China packing in fifteen minutes. That’s really swift and would interest Swiggy. If he wasn’t PM candidate, Swiggy would have made him their best delivery manager.
Is such a passionate expert on empowering women that he can overpower them merely by using and using and using the phrase, like writing punishment homework in school. Assuming that is, he went to school and his teacher dared to punish him. Which, is doubtful, because he always seems like there’s nothing left for him to learn.
Impressive! And yet not Prime Minister! No wonder the media moguls at Washington Post, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, et al, are unable to figure out how India can make such a big fuss about not picking him for the job, when even the mighty United States has been making do with a Bush, Trump or a Biden.
Number two in our options is Mamata Banerjee.
What can one say about her that has not been said before? That she is actually number one, and not number two?
Wait, you can’t even dare tell her what HAS been said before! That she even if she is number two, she has to bow to the number one?
But with Mamata at the helm, you can be sure that we will have little to complain about.
Because at the very least, there must be something to complain about like policies, vision, military, security, international relations, growth objectives — AND actual work being done.
Work she will do of course, but only in the time left after her daily drill of tantrums, didi-giri and Rasta Rokos.
It’s not a laughing matter. She may even think of a sit-in protest in Islamabad and get the ISI to stop fooling once and for all.
Fooling with Pakistan government, boss, not India.
At number three, are three number threes, because they can’t stand any of them above them! They are Mayawati, Nitish Kumar and Sharad Pawar.
Mayawati’s USP is to be the first Scheduled Caste Prime Minister of the country.
Unstoppable, I say!
No politician who is born to his parents can ever dare to oppose such ambition!
Even if he is born to someone else’s parents, he cannot dare oppose!
By the way, to realise this historic distinction of being the first Scheduled Caste PM, she is banking on the Brahmin-upper caste vote!
But why in god’s name, would Brahmins support a person who has rubbed their very nose underneath her whatever.
That’s a bit like the Stockholm Syndrome. After nosing similarly with the lower castes, the Brahmins now feel overwhelmed by what they have done — losing the smell and sense of real power — and want to nose ahead with vengeance.
And then there is Nitish Kumar, the Teflon Turn-on, who can make U-turns, V-turns and all kinds of twists and turns, and yet somehow none of them are deemed to be out of turn!
What is going in his favour is that he knows everyone better than everyone else, having worked first with everyone, then against everyone, and secondly, with everyone, and against everyone, and thirdly, still leaving everyone unsure of whether he is going to work with them or against them!
Fourthly, one thing is for sure. No one can ever question him about his secular credentials. For fifthly, such are his very credentials.
Now for the veteran politician from Maharashtra. Sharad Pawar is the only politician who has been described as uncanny for the longest time in Indian politics. It is said that whenever an editor feels there is nothing to write home about, he latches on to Pawar’s uncanny power-play.
But that may also be his Achilles Heel. For to overcome such formidable worthies as his fellow-travellers, he has to be canny, not always CAN HE only?
Moreover, as Deve Gowda would like to remind us all, what’s the use of dreaming to be PM for forty years, when you can make others to dream of making you the PM! And that too, when you are quietly dozing off at a corner of the most powerful meeting held ever by the Optional PMs: Version 1.0 in the 1990s.
At number five (number four is left vacant for last-minute entries) is Akhilesh Yadav because he hails from UP. Yes, because he is from UP only.
If he were to be from say, Andaman & Nicobar Islands, he couldn’t have been one of these illustrious options. Instead, he could have made it to the top 10 fishermen list, for his admittedly formidable talents in fishing around.
When you are a caste leader from UP, you get lateral entry to the wannabe PM list. UP gives India 80 MPs, whereas you can dream of being PM with merely a handful of seats. That’s why Akhilesh fancies his chances, even with a handful of seats from UP.
At number six is — hold your breath — Mamata Banerjee again! Here’s how: If the communists back Mamata for PM, she will be at the top, at number two. But if the communists back Mamata from behind — that is, outside support, support from the side, support inside Parliament but not outside it, support inside government, but not outside in Bengal, etc. etc. — she will be at number six.
There are a few more options. But this is interesting enough and we are already spoilt for choice. And it makes you wonder who actually moved India Today’s Mood of the Nation polls? Definitely not India, today.
By K.S. Muralidharan
